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1. |
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Every night we sit down w don't need no damn tv
We know that our living room is just the place to be
Cause every night at the same time he comes home stinking of gin
We whip out our binoculars and let the fun begin
Chorus:
The neighbors are having a fight
The neighbors are having a fight
The neighbors are having a fight tonight
What was that we he said to her it wasn't really clear
We huddle by the wall with a cup up to our ear
It might get a bit out of hand we never call the cops
Cause our night would just be boring if they came and made them stop
Chorus
Bursting in tears and now she runs into the street
We go onto the patio we try to be discreet
But brother falls on to the floor right on top of my toes
I say if you don't stop I'm gonna punch you in the nose
Chorus
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2. |
Punk Rock Cats
02:32
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Our enemy attacks at dawn
Retaliation in the morn
The tough get going when it’s tough
But first I stop to lick my butt
And maybe take a nap The Punk Rock Cats
I scale it with my sharpened claws
Attack it with ferocious jaws
We face a formidable beast
But we have forts and Fancy Feast
We've got each other's back The Punk Rock Cats
Back at home base we plan our strategy
The smell of our poop’s no match for our enemy
A portal to a world of sin
It beckons me but it won't win
A steel bastion of death and war
The humans call it the screen door
The death blow will come fast the Punk Rock Cats
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3. |
Frenemies
02:14
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I hate you, you hate me, cause we are best frenemies
Let's be each other's besties
Let's get the same tattoo
Give passive-aggressive insults like all the besties do
Cut each other in the bathroom
So our blood becomes one
And then we're bound together though we hate each other's guts
Cause we're frenemies
We thrive on jealousy torture each other mentally
Join the club
Join the club
Tell me your deepest secrets
and I'll think it's really cool
But I'll say it wasn't me when they circulate at school
Can I borrow your shoes?
Can I borrow your sweater ?
Can I borrow your mom cause I think she loves me better!
Cause we're frenemies
We thrive on jealousy torture each other mentally
Join the club
Join the club
Oh my god, Roxanne!
Did you see Melanie today?
She looks so stupid in that dress.
Oh hi, Melanie!
Nice dress!
Did you get it at Walmart?
Don't you hate the bitch Roxanne
Team up on the fat girl
Frenemies
Tell the boys they're assholes
Frenemies
Make out behind the bleachers
Frenemies
Torturing our teachers
Frenemies
TP our neighbor's houses
Frenemies
Ruin each other's blouses
Frenemies
Make each other defenseless
Frenemies
Beat each senseless
Frenemies
Frenemies 4x
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4. |
Frozen Pizza Fridays
02:18
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There's one reason I TGIF its' frozen pizza Friday's
That’s the meal that I like best it’s frozen pizza Friday’s
My moms cooking kind of sucks
But there’s one thing she don’t fuck up
I always know that I’m on luck on frozen pizza Friday’s
I don't care if the cheese ain't real on frozen pizza Friday's
Because it's my favorite meal on frozen pizza Friday's
You don't know how it lifts my heart
When I see that cardboard box
Mama Celeste totally rocks on frozen pizza Friday's
Monday's meatloaf makes me cry
Tuesday Wednesday bland and dry
Thursday can't identify
But Friday I'm in love
For the frozen goods I always shriek on frozen pizza Friday's
I wish every night of the week was frozen pizza Friday's
And I gotta thank my mom
Cause frozen pizza is the bomb
I praise it with this sacred psalm on frozen pizza Friday's
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5. |
Cover Band Man
02:29
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Well he sounds just like Paul Stanley
With a frog stuck in his throat
But it helps he got the moves down
And knows the words by rote
if you want to date a rock star
But just can’t be so blessed
Well I hope you can be happy
Settling for second best cause he’s a
He’s a cover band
I gottta tell you he’s a cover band man
I wanna tell you he’s cover band man
Like Mick Jagger Carpetbagger less the swagger he’s a cover band man
Well he ain’t no Robert Plant
And he ain’t no Jimmy Page
But with a wig and make up
He holds his own on stage
He ain’t playing at the Forum
Or arenas out in Cali
But I hear he killed last night
In the San Fernando Valley
He’s a cover band
I gottta tell you he’s a cover band man
I wanna tell you he’s cover band man
Second rated Axl Roser just a poser he’s a cover band man
He’s like Elvis when he’s fat
Bite the heads off plastic bats
He can’t sing like Roth
But he’s got the splits down pat
He’s a bit of a bologna
Like Tony macaroni
But if you close your eyes
It’s like you’re listening to Iommi
Got hair just like Bon Jovi
Although it is a weave
Sings Oh Sherry like a Perry
But it’s more like Joe than Steve
Now maybe it’s for money
Maybe it’s therapeutic
But I only hope his thoughts are more
Original than his music
He’s a cover band
I gottta tell you he’s a cover band man
I wanna tell you he’s cover band man
He’s a real Vince Neil contender on a bender he’s a cover band man
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6. |
John is Dead
02:48
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Knew a guy named John
Guess we sort of lost touch
See the thing was
We never liked him very much
Didn't go to his birthdays or
The cookout in his yard
And when it was Christmas
Didn't even send a card
Bridge
So imagine how we felt
When we go the news today
Under unexpected circumstances
John had passed away
Was it a heart attack?
Was it a bullet to his head?
John is dead
Chorus
John is dead John is dead
Should we have a celebration say a eulogy instead
John is dead John is dead
Do i even care that he'll never breath the air cause John is dead
So we thought we'd give old Johnny
The send of he deserves
And we put on our best suits
And we went out to the service
And when someone would ask me
Of John I would defend
And I would tell those people
That John was my best friend
I thought of the times we shared
And a tear came to my eye
Cause it was pretty clear
That I kind of missed the guy
Was it a heart attack?
Was it a bullet to his head?
John is dead
Chorus
Bridge: Were we friends on Facebook
Maybe but if so
i stopped liking his pictures
Quite some time ago
Who cared what he was eating
Or his stupid dialogue
And did anyone appreciate
The pictures of his dog
And so I sat there mourning
It was so clear to me
How deeply I was saddened
By the loss of dear Johnny
And so after the service
We all got good and plastered
And cried and wept and talked about
How much we missed that bastard
So I'll drink a glass to you
cause you made me a believer
I know when I die that
no one's gonna care much either
So I'll see you in heaven
We can laugh at those blockheads
When we're both dead
credits
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7. |
AWOL at the Mall
04:56
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Map and compass water bottle,
Check check check and check
Bandages, tinder and whistle
Hanging from my neck
But despite the preparedness
Of my survival pack
I struggle to identify
Whether this discount rack
Is the same one that I've seen
Some three hours before
Or if I'll find the exit out
From the department store
Chorus: I'm awol at the mall
Awol at the mall
I know I'm not to panic but
This sure is getting dreadful
I no longer see the trail I left
From my Wetzel's Pretzel
The salesgirl has directed me
But somehow I'm condemned
To end up turning up in the
Perfume section again
Where some women keeps spraying me
With the Drakkar Noir
I look a confused housewife but
I smell like a French whore
Chorus
Bridge: My water ration's running low
A most rueful subsistence
When bright lights of Target I see
Shining in the distance
Solo
Intent am I to get to where
The far off lights are glowing
I focus in on them and look
Not quite where I am going
I topple a Christmas display
A very stressed salesman
And what seems to be the whole of the
Kardashian clan
And finally I reach the mall
Like a woman obsessed
And just miss a collision with
Santa's Funtime Express
Chorus
Shoppers give me funny looks
But I don't give a damn
I only hope my family
Remembers who I am
And on a mission that perhaps
Sweet freedom will be mine
I make a beeline out of there
At the first exit sign
But as the nighttime air gets cold
And the sun fades to dark
There's no way in hell that I'll
Remember where I parked
Chorus
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8. |
Hypochondriac
02:17
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Night's the time that he likes best
To browse the aisles of the CVS
What he had he wasn't quite sure
But destined to find a cure
Sure his immune system was under attack
The hypochondriac
Was it a cold sore was it cancer
Likely he'd never find the answer
Desperate for a diagnosis
Of cirrhosis or cystic fibrosis
HIs eyes were pink his lungs black
The hypochondriac
Browsing Web MD for countless hours a day
The doctors saw him coming from miles away
Comin home from the grocery store
A fortune on OTCs he thought he found the cure
But on further inspection
And genetic predilection
He was certain that he had
A vaginal infection
credits
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9. |
Egg Baby
03:07
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I remember the day when I took you home from school
Keep him alive and that would like totally rule
I changed your diaper and thought it would be alright
If I put you somewhere safe to spend the night
I thought it would be a no brainer
To put you in the egg container
I'm sorry teacher but I killed my egg baby
That day I woke up my heart began to race
There was something wrong that I could not place
But when my mind cleared I was not so hazy
and I knew it had to be my poor egg baby
My mother wanted to know why
Her omelet was making me cry
I'm sorry teacher but I killed my egg baby
It could have been Joe, it could have been Sue, it could have been John or Bess
But it ended up, destined to be, made into my breakfast
My teacher asked me just how it could be that I lost my little man
But that's just the way, the cruel hand was played his fate met in a frying pan
credits
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10. |
Sven the Gay Viking
03:37
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Sven the gay viking did not like to fight
He didn’t play games that tested his might
He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh
And stare at the fair viking boys as they passed
Sven the gay viking
Sven the gay viking
Sven the gay viking
He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh
His mother would fret as he walked off to see
But admired his helmet worn so rakishly
Some men called their swords ballcrusher bone breaker
But Sven well he called his the big bootie shaker
Sven the gay viking
Sven the gay viking
Sven the gay viking
He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh
Soon came that day when Sven had to be told
You have to go fight and be brave and be bold
But Sven told them shove it you all are plain evil
And then he walked off to join the Village People.
Sven the gay viking
Sven the gay viking
Sven the gay viking
He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh
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11. |
I'm Not Crazy
02:53
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I make daily affirmations on my Facebook page
But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy
It's just state of mind that dictates my age
But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy
I can do anything that I put my mind too
Emerge from my cave and I'm starting anew
And the funny thing is I believe that it's true.
I have what it takes to overcome my fears
But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy
I stand as an equal to all of my peers
But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy
I'm at peace with myself and to that, I'll attest
Got this Prozac to keep me from feeling depressed
And I keep reminding myself of why I should be blessed
Bridge: I look in the mirror I'm catching my eye
Spreading positivity as I walk by
But I'm so caught up in loving myself
I forgot to give a crap about nobody else
I think of the reasons why I should be grateful
But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy
Block from my mind any thoughts that are hateful
But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy
I'm smart and I'm cute and ambitious and thin
And you know that's why I'm always wearing a grin
Now can somebody get me out of this loony bin
I’m not crazy, you know I’m not crazy….
credits
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12. |
Boy Deth
02:45
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Well we knew he was bad news by the horns on his head
His birth certificate listed his eye color as red
When he was just a toddler they called him murderous
When they got him a puppy he called it Cerberous
And he swore that six six six was his address
Boy death Boy death
When he got older his power just increased
He said pledge of allegiance but it was to the beast
His only true friend was a sick electric twanger
The dark lord had a new name of Jesse Alexander
And with his metal music they were blessed
Boy Deth Boy Deth
He wasn't exactly like
The other kids at school
They brought PB & J
He brought a goats head stew
In the world of blackened thrash his legend grew great
Kids moshed at his concerts and said bro I relate
Was it a deal with the devil that brought wealth
Or was it that he really was Satan himself
It's likely he will never confess
Boy Deth, Boy Deth
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13. |
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Stevie is living the family life
Two and half kids and on his second wife
I'm sure he would rather get rock star respect
By sleeping in vans with an amp in his neck
Last I heard Maggie's in a nursing home
Escapes every night wishing she's on the road
Instead she's giving roomies their music lessons
So they can rock out when they're all convalescing
Another chance to get your kicks we're still younger than Stevie Nicks
I'm thinking of getting the band back together
Bust out the eyeliner and break in the leather
With debtors and fretters and money collectors
Don't know but you but I got nothing better
Got no new ideas guess they're pretty cliche
But we can make good money any old way
As we strain all our joints and we struggle for breath
Singing the songs that make them sick to death
We'll swear that this will be our very final tour
We'll play our last song promise they'll be no more
Big fond farewells and may be shed a tear
Then we'll start planning to come back next year.
Ozzy, Kiss and Motley Crue, we hopped on the bandwagon too
I'm thinking of getting the band back together
Bust out the eyeliner and break in the leather
With debtors and fretters and money collectors
Don't know bout you but I got nothing better
Bust a few stitches in those old stage outfits maybe a lot
And strategically spike our hair so it covers up those bald spots
I'm thinking of getting the band back together
Bust out the eyeliner and break in the leather
With debtors and fretters and money collectors
Don't know bout you but I got nothing better
We said it was our last goodbye who would have thought that pigs could fly
credits
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14. |
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The pen is mightier than the sword
Well I say bring it on
Cause when she's at a keyboard it's
Like an atomic bomb
Don't care if she hurts their feelings
Don't care if it's mean
Cause when it comes to email writing
Bow down to the queen
They were once buddies but
Things are getting ugly
Sooner be dying then
Thinking of replying
Cause she is the queen of
Strongly written emails
Look out now because she's hitting send
Teachers, parents, businesses
Close doors with 20 locks
It aint gonna save them from
What waits in their inbox
Their heart will plummet to the ground
They'll start to sweat and stress
When they see that message there
From her email address
Chorus
She's callin’ names and using words
I bet they never knew
And if you read between the lines
She's threatening to sue
And no one can be meaner and
Nobody can be ruder
So you better watch your words or she'll
Bust out on the computer
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15. |
Mr. Earth Day
02:46
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Hey all you people dumping shit on the ground
You better get smart cause a new sheriff's in town
He's fighting for the truth so you better relent
He's wearing tights a mask and a cape made of hemp
Chorus
Mr. Earth Day and he always recycles
Mr. Earth Day he rides a unicycle
Mr. Earth Day he's got some loyal disciples
He's keeping the planet clean
He sets out on his mission while the city sleeps
At dusk he rises up from his compost heap
Fantastic, bombastic and a little gymnastic
Right after he sorts his paper from plastic
Chorus
Mr. Earth Day and he always recycles
Mr. Earth Day he rides a unicycle
Mr. Earth Day for the earth's survival
He's keeping the planet clean
Bridge
He never came across a plant-based food that he didn't like
Zero emissions are his mission a carbon footprint and he's ready to strike
He drifts through your house at lightning speed.
Changing your light bulbs to LEDs
Adds low flow shower heads for a personal touch
and would sooner pee in the bath than waste a flush
Chorus
Mr. Earth Day and he always recycles
Mr. Earth Day he rides a unicycle
Mr. Earth Day and his name is Michael,
He's keeping the planet clean
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16. |
Nonconformist Conformist
04:12
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Jenny had a tattoo and I thought it was cool
So I went out and I got one too
Johnny got a lip ring I thought it looked great
So I got a lip ring just like my mate
We all get together and wear black and brood
And talk about how we're all misunderstood
And if you don't like our music tough
Cause there's no one quite as bad ass as us
But now, these posers, they will not do
The nerve to have tattoos too
I’m outraged and filled with hate
And depression, which is my favorite state
We all get together and wear black and brood
And talk about how we're all misunderstood
And if you don't like our music tough
Cause there's no one quite as bad ass as us
I come home and my mother is there
She says, "I did something, you'll never guess what dear"
I say, "Okay, mom, what did you do?"
She lifts her sleeve to reveal a brand new tattoo.
We all get together and wear black and brood
And talk about how we're all misunderstood
And if you don't like our music tough
Cause there's no one quite as bad ass as us
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17. |
Social Distancing
01:28
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Social distancing
It suits me fine
I’m gonna stay home
All the time
Social distancing
It’s really okay
Cause I never liked you anyway
I’ll lay around at will
Let the government pay my bills
As long as I don’t get I’ll
Social distancing
It’s not too bad
As long as I don’t kill my dad
Social distancing
Its pretty cool
Cause I don’t have to see all you fools
I don’t have to go to shows
And say your band was good when it blows
Just too bad I can’t buy some rad new cloths
Sure there are some I miss
But when it comes to it
It’s an overall benefit
Cause most are idiots
Social distancing
My cup of tea
Cause I don’t really dig humanity
Social distancing
So free of drama
Save that and the corona for your mama
Cause when we all decide
That the pandemic died
I’m sure that most of us will stay inside
Social distancing….
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18. |
Tommy Eats Glue
03:19
|
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I thought Tommy was dreamy I thought he was the best
I always moved my seat so I could be by his desk
Through any kind of weather when we kissed our lips stuck together
But oh what can you do? Tommy eats glue
Tommy eats glue 3x
What can you do?
What can you do?
Tommy eats glue
But I so loved my Tommy so I made the call
To stand by my little man glue eating and all
I knew his love would save me if its Elmer’s, Craft or Krazy
But oh what can you do?
Tommy eats glue
I stayed with Tom for years we fell apart somehow
I heard he got mixed up with a rougher crowd
I told him stay away but he begged to differ
And now Tommy the glue eater is the glue sniffer
And so Tommy and I would reach the end
I wish that I could say the we were even friends
I'm left without a clue even a stupid stick of glue
But oh what can I do? Looks like he ate that too!
Tommy eats glue 3x
What can you do?
What can you do?
Tommy eats glue
credits
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19. |
Stupid Punk Song
02:33
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I wanna write a stupid punk song
I wanna go to all the punk rock shows
And talk about the bands that no one knows
I wanna write a stupid punk song
I wanna write a stupid punk song
And drink a forty on a Saturday
In the mosh pit at a matinee
I wanna write a stupid punk song
I'll write a punk song cause I'm violent and bored
I'll write a punk song cause I know least four cords
I'll just get out my guitar and I'll play
My stupid punk song, all freakin day
I wanna write stupid punk song
About a girl I think is really cute
Who has a mohawk and wears combat boots
I wanna write a stupid punk song
I wanna write a stupid punk song
About how much I hate my mom and dad
Although the truth is that they ain't that bad
I wanna write a stupid punk song
I'll write a punk song cause I'm angry and young
I'll write a punk song and they'll all think I'm dumb
And all the punks they can all mosh and pogo
And even though it punk, it's gonna have a solo
I wanna write a stupid punk song
And you can tell me that it's dumb and gay
But at least I have something to play
Even if it's a just stupid punk song
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20. |
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Once my life meant nothing
Til I saw you there
In that yellow and orange dress that
Only you can wear
I didn't think it was possible
My love for you increases
Didn't think you could get better
Now you're stuffed with Reese's Pieces
Chorus
If chocolate and peanut butter
Eating is a sin
The devil should open up
His gates and let me in
Now I sit and gaze at you
In all your chocolate glory
I know that I must have you in
My candy inventory
And you know that I could never
Trade you for another
But if I happen to eat you
Oh well there's your brother
Repeat Chorus
Hershey's, Twix and M&Ms
But you’re the best by far
Baby you've spoiled me for
All other candy bars
Repeat First Verse
Repeat Chorus
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21. |
Boogie Man Boogie
02:50
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The boogieman's under my bed
A spider's right above my head
And there's a vampire in my closet for some blood
And I'm not real sure what they're doing
But I think there's trouble brewing
And I tell you one thing their up to no good
Oh well I'm sure I'll be alright
But when these things bump in the night
You know it sure scares the bejeezus out of me
I know I'm sure it don't behoove me
To watch all those scary movies
On the KIndle right before I go to sleep
Chorus
Hey there Boogieman I think I got a plan
How about you leave me be
Perhaps an aberration of my imagination
But you're not gonna boogie with me
Oh well I think I heard a noise
And then my mother gets annoyed
She says it's only the house settling in the night
And though I sure want to believe her
There's no doubt it's the grim reaper
And there's no way everything will be alright
Well there's my mom I'll try to wake her
So I just get up and shake her
There's a mask that's on her face that is bright green
It seems her breath slightly offends
And all her hair stands its end
She has to be scariest thing I've ever seen
Chorus
And so she stumbles out of bed
I see her eyes are bloodshot red
And I know that this surely spells impending doom
If I choose one that scares me most
It probably won't be the ghost
Next time I'll take my chances in my room
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22. |
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I hoped they wouldn't notice but
My friends suspicion's roused
They ask me why I never let them
Come play at my house
It looks as if I may have to
Invite them to my home
And pray dad doesn't greet then when
He's wearing his black robe
The coast is clear they wonder what
The worry on my face meant
When suddenly a chanting starts
To rise up from the basement
Why can't I be a normal kid
It's so much less complex
To say I think it's just my mom
And father having sex
My mother says "I guess I just
Don't get your generation"
And that's what life is like when mom
And daddy worship Satan.
And before I know it they
Are running to explore
And follow the odd noises that
Are coming from the floor
And soon they find my parents
In their favorite recreation
Conjuring up spirits in
An evil incantation
And daddy says "Oh visitors
Well isn't that just nice?"
I hope he doesn't think them virgins
To be sacrificed
But mom ignores my gestures and
She sports an evil grin her
Mouth waters as she says "We're happy
To have you for dinner!"
I fear they will accept her offer
And agree to stay
Do they not know she means to have them
As the main entree?
I'm just about to tell them run
But briefly I think twice
A break from eye of newt and toe
Of frog would sure be nice
My mother says "I guess I just
Don't get your generation"
And that's what life is like when mom
And daddy worship Satan.
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