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A Double with Cheese

by TheCheeseBergens

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1.
Every night we sit down w don't need no damn tv We know that our living room is just the place to be Cause every night at the same time he comes home stinking of gin We whip out our binoculars and let the fun begin Chorus: The neighbors are having a fight The neighbors are having a fight The neighbors are having a fight tonight What was that we he said to her it wasn't really clear We huddle by the wall with a cup up to our ear It might get a bit out of hand we never call the cops Cause our night would just be boring if they came and made them stop Chorus Bursting in tears and now she runs into the street We go onto the patio we try to be discreet But brother falls on to the floor right on top of my toes I say if you don't stop I'm gonna punch you in the nose Chorus
2.
Our enemy attacks at dawn Retaliation in the morn The tough get going when it’s tough But first I stop to lick my butt And maybe take a nap The Punk Rock Cats I scale it with my sharpened claws Attack it with ferocious jaws We face a formidable beast But we have forts and Fancy Feast We've got each other's back The Punk Rock Cats Back at home base we plan our strategy The smell of our poop’s no match for our enemy A portal to a world of sin It beckons me but it won't win A steel bastion of death and war The humans call it the screen door The death blow will come fast the Punk Rock Cats
3.
Frenemies 02:14
I hate you, you hate me, cause we are best frenemies Let's be each other's besties Let's get the same tattoo Give passive-aggressive insults like all the besties do Cut each other in the bathroom So our blood becomes one And then we're bound together though we hate each other's guts Cause we're frenemies We thrive on jealousy torture each other mentally Join the club Join the club Tell me your deepest secrets and I'll think it's really cool But I'll say it wasn't me when they circulate at school Can I borrow your shoes? Can I borrow your sweater ? Can I borrow your mom cause I think she loves me better! Cause we're frenemies We thrive on jealousy torture each other mentally Join the club Join the club Oh my god, Roxanne! Did you see Melanie today? She looks so stupid in that dress. Oh hi, Melanie! Nice dress! Did you get it at Walmart? Don't you hate the bitch Roxanne Team up on the fat girl Frenemies Tell the boys they're assholes Frenemies Make out behind the bleachers Frenemies Torturing our teachers Frenemies TP our neighbor's houses Frenemies Ruin each other's blouses Frenemies Make each other defenseless Frenemies Beat each senseless Frenemies Frenemies 4x
4.
There's one reason I TGIF its' frozen pizza Friday's That’s the meal that I like best it’s frozen pizza Friday’s My moms cooking kind of sucks But there’s one thing she don’t fuck up I always know that I’m on luck on frozen pizza Friday’s I don't care if the cheese ain't real on frozen pizza Friday's Because it's my favorite meal on frozen pizza Friday's You don't know how it lifts my heart When I see that cardboard box Mama Celeste totally rocks on frozen pizza Friday's Monday's meatloaf makes me cry Tuesday Wednesday bland and dry Thursday can't identify But Friday I'm in love For the frozen goods I always shriek on frozen pizza Friday's I wish every night of the week was frozen pizza Friday's And I gotta thank my mom Cause frozen pizza is the bomb I praise it with this sacred psalm on frozen pizza Friday's
5.
Well he sounds just like Paul Stanley With a frog stuck in his throat But it helps he got the moves down And knows the words by rote if you want to date a rock star But just can’t be so blessed Well I hope you can be happy Settling for second best cause he’s a He’s a cover band I gottta tell you he’s a cover band man I wanna tell you he’s cover band man Like Mick Jagger Carpetbagger less the swagger he’s a cover band man Well he ain’t no Robert Plant And he ain’t no Jimmy Page But with a wig and make up He holds his own on stage He ain’t playing at the Forum Or arenas out in Cali But I hear he killed last night In the San Fernando Valley He’s a cover band I gottta tell you he’s a cover band man I wanna tell you he’s cover band man Second rated Axl Roser just a poser he’s a cover band man He’s like Elvis when he’s fat Bite the heads off plastic bats He can’t sing like Roth But he’s got the splits down pat He’s a bit of a bologna Like Tony macaroni But if you close your eyes It’s like you’re listening to Iommi Got hair just like Bon Jovi Although it is a weave Sings Oh Sherry like a Perry But it’s more like Joe than Steve Now maybe it’s for money Maybe it’s therapeutic But I only hope his thoughts are more Original than his music He’s a cover band I gottta tell you he’s a cover band man I wanna tell you he’s cover band man He’s a real Vince Neil contender on a bender he’s a cover band man
6.
John is Dead 02:48
Knew a guy named John Guess we sort of lost touch See the thing was We never liked him very much Didn't go to his birthdays or The cookout in his yard And when it was Christmas Didn't even send a card Bridge So imagine how we felt When we go the news today Under unexpected circumstances John had passed away Was it a heart attack? Was it a bullet to his head? John is dead Chorus John is dead John is dead Should we have a celebration say a eulogy instead John is dead John is dead Do i even care that he'll never breath the air cause John is dead So we thought we'd give old Johnny The send of he deserves And we put on our best suits And we went out to the service And when someone would ask me Of John I would defend And I would tell those people That John was my best friend I thought of the times we shared And a tear came to my eye Cause it was pretty clear That I kind of missed the guy Was it a heart attack? Was it a bullet to his head? John is dead Chorus Bridge: Were we friends on Facebook Maybe but if so i stopped liking his pictures Quite some time ago Who cared what he was eating Or his stupid dialogue And did anyone appreciate The pictures of his dog And so I sat there mourning It was so clear to me How deeply I was saddened By the loss of dear Johnny And so after the service We all got good and plastered And cried and wept and talked about How much we missed that bastard So I'll drink a glass to you cause you made me a believer I know when I die that no one's gonna care much either So I'll see you in heaven We can laugh at those blockheads When we're both dead credits
7.
Map and compass water bottle, Check check check and check Bandages, tinder and whistle Hanging from my neck But despite the preparedness Of my survival pack I struggle to identify Whether this discount rack Is the same one that I've seen Some three hours before Or if I'll find the exit out From the department store Chorus: I'm awol at the mall Awol at the mall I know I'm not to panic but This sure is getting dreadful I no longer see the trail I left From my Wetzel's Pretzel The salesgirl has directed me But somehow I'm condemned To end up turning up in the Perfume section again Where some women keeps spraying me With the Drakkar Noir I look a confused housewife but I smell like a French whore Chorus Bridge: My water ration's running low A most rueful subsistence When bright lights of Target I see Shining in the distance Solo Intent am I to get to where The far off lights are glowing I focus in on them and look Not quite where I am going I topple a Christmas display A very stressed salesman And what seems to be the whole of the Kardashian clan And finally I reach the mall Like a woman obsessed And just miss a collision with Santa's Funtime Express Chorus Shoppers give me funny looks But I don't give a damn I only hope my family Remembers who I am And on a mission that perhaps Sweet freedom will be mine I make a beeline out of there At the first exit sign But as the nighttime air gets cold And the sun fades to dark There's no way in hell that I'll Remember where I parked Chorus
8.
Night's the time that he likes best To browse the aisles of the CVS What he had he wasn't quite sure But destined to find a cure Sure his immune system was under attack The hypochondriac Was it a cold sore was it cancer Likely he'd never find the answer Desperate for a diagnosis Of cirrhosis or cystic fibrosis HIs eyes were pink his lungs black The hypochondriac Browsing Web MD for countless hours a day The doctors saw him coming from miles away Comin home from the grocery store A fortune on OTCs he thought he found the cure But on further inspection And genetic predilection He was certain that he had A vaginal infection credits
9.
Egg Baby 03:07
I remember the day when I took you home from school Keep him alive and that would like totally rule I changed your diaper and thought it would be alright If I put you somewhere safe to spend the night I thought it would be a no brainer To put you in the egg container I'm sorry teacher but I killed my egg baby That day I woke up my heart began to race There was something wrong that I could not place But when my mind cleared I was not so hazy and I knew it had to be my poor egg baby My mother wanted to know why Her omelet was making me cry I'm sorry teacher but I killed my egg baby It could have been Joe, it could have been Sue, it could have been John or Bess But it ended up, destined to be, made into my breakfast My teacher asked me just how it could be that I lost my little man But that's just the way, the cruel hand was played his fate met in a frying pan credits
10.
Sven the gay viking did not like to fight He didn’t play games that tested his might He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh And stare at the fair viking boys as they passed Sven the gay viking Sven the gay viking Sven the gay viking He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh His mother would fret as he walked off to see But admired his helmet worn so rakishly Some men called their swords ballcrusher bone breaker But Sven well he called his the big bootie shaker Sven the gay viking Sven the gay viking Sven the gay viking He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh Soon came that day when Sven had to be told You have to go fight and be brave and be bold But Sven told them shove it you all are plain evil And then he walked off to join the Village People. Sven the gay viking Sven the gay viking Sven the gay viking He liked to hang out with the milkmaids and laugh
11.
I make daily affirmations on my Facebook page But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy It's just state of mind that dictates my age But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy I can do anything that I put my mind too Emerge from my cave and I'm starting anew And the funny thing is I believe that it's true. I have what it takes to overcome my fears But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy I stand as an equal to all of my peers But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy I'm at peace with myself and to that, I'll attest Got this Prozac to keep me from feeling depressed And I keep reminding myself of why I should be blessed Bridge: I look in the mirror I'm catching my eye Spreading positivity as I walk by But I'm so caught up in loving myself I forgot to give a crap about nobody else I think of the reasons why I should be grateful But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy Block from my mind any thoughts that are hateful But I'm not crazy, you know I'm not crazy I'm smart and I'm cute and ambitious and thin And you know that's why I'm always wearing a grin Now can somebody get me out of this loony bin I’m not crazy, you know I’m not crazy…. credits
12.
Boy Deth 02:45
Well we knew he was bad news by the horns on his head His birth certificate listed his eye color as red When he was just a toddler they called him murderous When they got him a puppy he called it Cerberous And he swore that six six six was his address Boy death Boy death When he got older his power just increased He said pledge of allegiance but it was to the beast His only true friend was a sick electric twanger The dark lord had a new name of Jesse Alexander And with his metal music they were blessed Boy Deth Boy Deth He wasn't exactly like The other kids at school They brought PB & J He brought a goats head stew In the world of blackened thrash his legend grew great Kids moshed at his concerts and said bro I relate Was it a deal with the devil that brought wealth Or was it that he really was Satan himself It's likely he will never confess Boy Deth, Boy Deth
13.
Stevie is living the family life Two and half kids and on his second wife I'm sure he would rather get rock star respect By sleeping in vans with an amp in his neck Last I heard Maggie's in a nursing home Escapes every night wishing she's on the road Instead she's giving roomies their music lessons So they can rock out when they're all convalescing Another chance to get your kicks we're still younger than Stevie Nicks I'm thinking of getting the band back together Bust out the eyeliner and break in the leather With debtors and fretters and money collectors Don't know but you but I got nothing better Got no new ideas guess they're pretty cliche But we can make good money any old way As we strain all our joints and we struggle for breath Singing the songs that make them sick to death We'll swear that this will be our very final tour We'll play our last song promise they'll be no more Big fond farewells and may be shed a tear Then we'll start planning to come back next year. Ozzy, Kiss and Motley Crue, we hopped on the bandwagon too I'm thinking of getting the band back together Bust out the eyeliner and break in the leather With debtors and fretters and money collectors Don't know bout you but I got nothing better Bust a few stitches in those old stage outfits maybe a lot And strategically spike our hair so it covers up those bald spots I'm thinking of getting the band back together Bust out the eyeliner and break in the leather With debtors and fretters and money collectors Don't know bout you but I got nothing better We said it was our last goodbye who would have thought that pigs could fly credits
14.
The pen is mightier than the sword Well I say bring it on Cause when she's at a keyboard it's Like an atomic bomb Don't care if she hurts their feelings Don't care if it's mean Cause when it comes to email writing Bow down to the queen They were once buddies but Things are getting ugly Sooner be dying then Thinking of replying Cause she is the queen of Strongly written emails Look out now because she's hitting send Teachers, parents, businesses Close doors with 20 locks It aint gonna save them from What waits in their inbox Their heart will plummet to the ground They'll start to sweat and stress When they see that message there From her email address Chorus She's callin’ names and using words I bet they never knew And if you read between the lines She's threatening to sue And no one can be meaner and Nobody can be ruder So you better watch your words or she'll Bust out on the computer
15.
Hey all you people dumping shit on the ground You better get smart cause a new sheriff's in town He's fighting for the truth so you better relent He's wearing tights a mask and a cape made of hemp Chorus Mr. Earth Day and he always recycles Mr. Earth Day he rides a unicycle Mr. Earth Day he's got some loyal disciples He's keeping the planet clean He sets out on his mission while the city sleeps At dusk he rises up from his compost heap Fantastic, bombastic and a little gymnastic Right after he sorts his paper from plastic Chorus Mr. Earth Day and he always recycles Mr. Earth Day he rides a unicycle Mr. Earth Day for the earth's survival He's keeping the planet clean Bridge He never came across a plant-based food that he didn't like Zero emissions are his mission a carbon footprint and he's ready to strike He drifts through your house at lightning speed. Changing your light bulbs to LEDs Adds low flow shower heads for a personal touch and would sooner pee in the bath than waste a flush Chorus Mr. Earth Day and he always recycles Mr. Earth Day he rides a unicycle Mr. Earth Day and his name is Michael, He's keeping the planet clean
16.
Jenny had a tattoo and I thought it was cool So I went out and I got one too Johnny got a lip ring I thought it looked great So I got a lip ring just like my mate We all get together and wear black and brood And talk about how we're all misunderstood And if you don't like our music tough Cause there's no one quite as bad ass as us But now, these posers, they will not do The nerve to have tattoos too I’m outraged and filled with hate And depression, which is my favorite state We all get together and wear black and brood And talk about how we're all misunderstood And if you don't like our music tough Cause there's no one quite as bad ass as us I come home and my mother is there She says, "I did something, you'll never guess what dear" I say, "Okay, mom, what did you do?" She lifts her sleeve to reveal a brand new tattoo. We all get together and wear black and brood And talk about how we're all misunderstood And if you don't like our music tough Cause there's no one quite as bad ass as us
17.
Social distancing It suits me fine I’m gonna stay home All the time Social distancing It’s really okay Cause I never liked you anyway I’ll lay around at will Let the government pay my bills As long as I don’t get I’ll Social distancing It’s not too bad As long as I don’t kill my dad Social distancing Its pretty cool Cause I don’t have to see all you fools I don’t have to go to shows And say your band was good when it blows Just too bad I can’t buy some rad new cloths Sure there are some I miss But when it comes to it It’s an overall benefit Cause most are idiots Social distancing My cup of tea Cause I don’t really dig humanity Social distancing So free of drama Save that and the corona for your mama Cause when we all decide That the pandemic died I’m sure that most of us will stay inside Social distancing….
18.
I thought Tommy was dreamy I thought he was the best I always moved my seat so I could be by his desk Through any kind of weather when we kissed our lips stuck together But oh what can you do? Tommy eats glue Tommy eats glue 3x What can you do? What can you do? Tommy eats glue But I so loved my Tommy so I made the call To stand by my little man glue eating and all I knew his love would save me if its Elmer’s, Craft or Krazy But oh what can you do? Tommy eats glue I stayed with Tom for years we fell apart somehow I heard he got mixed up with a rougher crowd I told him stay away but he begged to differ And now Tommy the glue eater is the glue sniffer And so Tommy and I would reach the end I wish that I could say the we were even friends I'm left without a clue even a stupid stick of glue But oh what can I do? Looks like he ate that too! Tommy eats glue 3x What can you do? What can you do? Tommy eats glue credits
19.
I wanna write a stupid punk song I wanna go to all the punk rock shows And talk about the bands that no one knows I wanna write a stupid punk song I wanna write a stupid punk song And drink a forty on a Saturday In the mosh pit at a matinee I wanna write a stupid punk song I'll write a punk song cause I'm violent and bored I'll write a punk song cause I know least four cords I'll just get out my guitar and I'll play My stupid punk song, all freakin day I wanna write stupid punk song About a girl I think is really cute Who has a mohawk and wears combat boots I wanna write a stupid punk song I wanna write a stupid punk song About how much I hate my mom and dad Although the truth is that they ain't that bad I wanna write a stupid punk song I'll write a punk song cause I'm angry and young I'll write a punk song and they'll all think I'm dumb And all the punks they can all mosh and pogo And even though it punk, it's gonna have a solo I wanna write a stupid punk song And you can tell me that it's dumb and gay But at least I have something to play Even if it's a just stupid punk song
20.
Once my life meant nothing Til I saw you there In that yellow and orange dress that Only you can wear I didn't think it was possible My love for you increases Didn't think you could get better Now you're stuffed with Reese's Pieces Chorus If chocolate and peanut butter Eating is a sin The devil should open up His gates and let me in Now I sit and gaze at you In all your chocolate glory I know that I must have you in My candy inventory And you know that I could never Trade you for another But if I happen to eat you Oh well there's your brother Repeat Chorus Hershey's, Twix and M&Ms But you’re the best by far Baby you've spoiled me for All other candy bars Repeat First Verse Repeat Chorus
21.
The boogieman's under my bed A spider's right above my head And there's a vampire in my closet for some blood And I'm not real sure what they're doing But I think there's trouble brewing And I tell you one thing their up to no good Oh well I'm sure I'll be alright But when these things bump in the night You know it sure scares the bejeezus out of me I know I'm sure it don't behoove me To watch all those scary movies On the KIndle right before I go to sleep Chorus Hey there Boogieman I think I got a plan How about you leave me be Perhaps an aberration of my imagination But you're not gonna boogie with me Oh well I think I heard a noise And then my mother gets annoyed She says it's only the house settling in the night And though I sure want to believe her There's no doubt it's the grim reaper And there's no way everything will be alright Well there's my mom I'll try to wake her So I just get up and shake her There's a mask that's on her face that is bright green It seems her breath slightly offends And all her hair stands its end She has to be scariest thing I've ever seen Chorus And so she stumbles out of bed I see her eyes are bloodshot red And I know that this surely spells impending doom If I choose one that scares me most It probably won't be the ghost Next time I'll take my chances in my room
22.
I hoped they wouldn't notice but My friends suspicion's roused They ask me why I never let them Come play at my house It looks as if I may have to Invite them to my home And pray dad doesn't greet then when He's wearing his black robe The coast is clear they wonder what The worry on my face meant When suddenly a chanting starts To rise up from the basement Why can't I be a normal kid It's so much less complex To say I think it's just my mom And father having sex My mother says "I guess I just Don't get your generation" And that's what life is like when mom And daddy worship Satan. And before I know it they Are running to explore And follow the odd noises that Are coming from the floor And soon they find my parents In their favorite recreation Conjuring up spirits in An evil incantation And daddy says "Oh visitors Well isn't that just nice?" I hope he doesn't think them virgins To be sacrificed But mom ignores my gestures and She sports an evil grin her Mouth waters as she says "We're happy To have you for dinner!" I fear they will accept her offer And agree to stay Do they not know she means to have them As the main entree? I'm just about to tell them run But briefly I think twice A break from eye of newt and toe Of frog would sure be nice My mother says "I guess I just Don't get your generation" And that's what life is like when mom And daddy worship Satan.

about

This album contains the following tracks:

Neighbors are Having a Fight
Punk Rock Cats
Frenemies
Cover Band Man
John is Dead
AWOL at the Mall
Hypochondriac
Egg Baby
Sven the Gay Viking
I'm Not Crazy
Boy Deth
Gettin' the Band Back Together
Queen of the Strongly Worded Emails
Mr. Earth Day
Nonconformist Conformist
Social Distancing
Tommy Eats Glue
Stupid Punk Song
Ode to Chocolate Peanut Butter
Boogie Man Boogie
Mommy and Daddy Worship Satan

credits

released June 14, 2022

All songs written by The CheeseBergens

Mixed and Mastered by Rob Lowndes

Album Photography by Carli Jensen

Album Graphic Design by Rich New Design

Jesse Bergen: Vocals and Guitar
Anjelica Bergen: Vocals and Guitar
Marissa Bergen: Bass and Backing Vocals
Ides Bergen: Drums

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TheCheeseBergens Burbank, California

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