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1. |
Grammatically Yours
03:51
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What is this paper I see
That is marked just for me
Is this what teenage love
Is really meant to be
Closer I inspect to find
It barely is coherent
This letter to profess to me the
Terms of your endearment
Because what I am looking at is
No less than a mess
And clearly the apostrophe should
Go before the S
But I know that it's you I adore
And I'm just so grammatically yours
I really think you should check your use of
Your and you're and yore
And you've gone further not farther with me than
Any girl before
There are commas where the periods
Really should be at
And I'm pretty sure there's no way we can
Literally do that
But I guess it's all part of your allure
And I'm so grammatically yours
So our kids might not be lawyers
They may inherit my cooking
But one thing for sure they will be is
Exceptionally good looking
The way you use there, their and there is
Really not okay
And if my mother saw this well she'd
Just faint dead away
So I unfold the creases hold the
Paper to my chest
Because you know that good girls always
Love the bad boys best
So one thing of which I'm sure
I'm so grammatically yours
So love eternally
As it will always be
Just keep your predicates
Where they're supposed to be!
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2. |
Zach is a Poser
02:43
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We all knew Zach was one bad punk
His mohawk was the flyest
His jacket bore the latest bands
His spikes stood up the highest
But one day we were hanging out
And vibin’ on Joe Strummer
He said he loved The Clash but man
He couldn’t name the drummer
Zach is a poser, Zach is a poser, Zach is a poser
Now we know the score
Zach is a poser, Zach is a poser, Zach is a poser
And we won’t be hanging out with him no more
His mohawk he would grow out long
His plaid pants for spandex
Cause it was heavy metal for
Which Zack was now obsessed
But soon the whispers came about
In those small vicious circles
Zack didn’t know the seventh guy
Who sang lead in Deep Purple
Repeat Chorus
Then indie, Zack in hipster phase
With beard found things ironic
Next goth then grunge then new wave and
Just briefly electronic
But each time someone sniffed him out
Twas something not quite kosher
For Zack was neither metal, punk
But simply just a poser
Zack still knows naught bout music but
I guess it’s no big diff
Since now he listen to Ms. Spears
Bieber and Taylor Swift
And wears a 3 piece suit to work
Like some hot shot breadwinner
But really does the 9-5
Employed as a sign spinner.
Repeat chorus
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3. |
Tommy Eats Glue
03:12
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I thought Tommy was dreamy I thought he was the best
I always moved my seat so I could be by his desk
Through any kind of weather when we kissed our lips stuck together
But oh what can you do? Tommy eats glue
Tommy eats glue 3x
What can you do?
What can you do?
Tommy eats glue
But I so loved my Tommy so I made the call
To stand by my little man glue eating and all
I knew his love would save me if its Elmer’s, Craft or Krazy
But oh what can you do?
Tommy eats glue
I stayed with Tom for years we fell apart somehow
I heard he got mixed up with a rougher crowd
I told him stay away but he begged to differ
And now Tommy the glue eater is the glue sniffer
And so Tommy and I would reach the end
I wish that I could say the we were even friends
I'm left without a clue even a stupid stick of glue
But oh what can I do? Looks like he ate that too!
Tommy eats glue 3x
What can you do?
What can you do?
Tommy eats glue
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4. |
C.I.T.
03:01
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They said it’s great experience
And so much I would learn
But all I got was some abuse and a
Bad sunburn
Lumpy mashed potatoes
A dull summer vacation
Plus a real bleak outlook on the
Future generation
CIT
I’m a CIT
That’s all I’ll ever be
Is just a lowly CIT
We sang the stupid campfire songs
And beat on conga drums
And I say “all this fresh air
Just ain’t good for my lungs”
No one ever talked to me
It really was a bore
Except for when they all blamed me when we
Lost at color war
CIT
I’m a CIT
That’s all I’ll ever be
Is just a lowly CIT
Johnny’s stupid
Judy’s a brat
Morgan’s greedy
Sophie’s fat
Wyatt hits and
Hannah lies
Katie vomits
Tyler cries
Jackie shy and
Emma licks
Andy’s sick and
Lucas spits
There’s 13 Avas
16 Aidens
And 3 spellings of
Kids named Jayden
I’m in love with the head counselor
But she won’t look at me
Cause I’m just another
Lowly CIT
I’m a CIT
I’m a CIT
That’s all I’ll ever be
Is just a lowly CIT
I’m a CIT
Please kill me
Cause all I’ll ever be
Is just a lowly CIT
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5. |
Man Flu
03:09
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My father has a cold
We all know how that goes
Might sneeze himself to death
Die of a runny nose
Cause he insists he feels a little hot
Might die from chills or drown in phlegm and snot
My father has a cold
We're asking that you mind
Our family's grief and privacy
During this trying time
And please sit tight to all friends and relations
Visit us online to make a donation
Chorus:
He's coughing up a lung
Got white bumps on his tongue
He might not make it through
He's got the man flu
My father has a cold
He's taking a sick day
To take the time to figure out
If he will be okay
He's been through tissues about 3 feet deep
And chicken soup and Nyquil don't come cheap
Chorus
His fever just might spike to 102
And if it does I won't know what to do
Would you
I'm sorry but it's true he's done got the man flu
Chorus
My father has a cold
He says it is the worst
A cough might take him out
If mom don't do it first
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6. |
Passover for Dummies
03:58
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The Pharaoh came from Egypt and said,
"Have you heard the news?
Holy freakin' crap- We're being
over run by Jews!
There's gotta be a better way,
Something must be done!
I know what we'll do!
We'll kill their first born sons!"
I guess their plan would have worked,
But Jesus, Mary, Joseph!
A badass Jewish son was born,
His mother named him Moses.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it all passed over the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
And I don't know bout you but it seems
Something ain't quite kosher
Oy vey will the Jews ever have
A happy Passover
I guess he looked Goyish enough,
Or no one looked too hard,
But they got tipped off when he,
Killed an Egyptian guard.
Then Moses said "Oh no, some heavy
Shit be goin' down,
I better go and take my ass, and
Run it out of town!"
Perhaps he drank bad cactus juice,
Or his brain turned to mush,
When he saw God talk to him from,
Inside a burning bush.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it all passed over the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
And I don't know bout you but it seems
Something ain't quite kosher
Oy vey will the Jews ever have
A happy Passover
Moses went to get the Jews,
But Egypt nearly flipped,
So God set out to curse them,
With some heavy fucked up shit.
They took off for the desert fast,
Or soon they would be dead,
But before they went, they said
"Hey guys, let's bake some bread!"
They saw that was a bad idea,
They had to make it fast, see-"
So that's why it was kind of flat,
And tasted pretty nasty.
Egyptians were hot on their trail,
Ready for the slaughter,
But the Jews were in good shape,
Till they encountered water.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it passed over all the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
And I don't know bout you but it seems
Something ain't quite kosher
Oy vey will the Jews ever have
A happy Passover
They knew it was all over and,
The end was near for sho'!
Till Moses said, "I'll show you all,
A neat trick that I know."
So he parted the water and,
The Jews they did escape,
But not so much for Egyptians,
Who met their watery fate
The Jews had a good laugh at this,
But God made them think twice,
And now Passover they recall,
That wasn't very nice.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it passed over all the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
But there's a happy ending here,
To this first Passover,
The Jews soon found the promised land,
I think they call it Boca
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7. |
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I Wore Red to Target
I wore red to Target
Not the best idea
I wore red to Target
And everybody near
Asked me do you work here
Said can you help me miss
Come on don't you know
I can't take much more of this
Guess I was asking for it
Cause look at what I started
Had it coming to me when
I wore red to Target
Tried hiding in the bathroom
I thought that would be safer
'Til someone said hey miss
We're out of toilet paper!
If one more person bugs me
I swear I'll flip my lid
This woman came up to me
And that's just what she did
Repeat Chorus
I could have gone to another market
I could have worn blue or green
But I had to go to Target tell me what did it mean
Did it mean did it mean
Did it mean did it mean
I made up some fake discounts
I gave her wrong directions
I told her there were frying pans
In the electronics section
Then I felt so much better
And everything was fine
Until when I discovered
I was in back of her on line
Repeat Chorus
Customer Service Tirade
I've been on hold for 45 minutes
Don't ask me how my days going
Can I speak to the supervisor
What do you mean you're the supervisor
Chorus:
Customer service tirade 4x
Whatever happened to the customers always right?
That's not even proper grammar
How much are they paying you an hour?
Are you listening to anything I'm saying?
Repeat Chorus
Was there ever a good old days
Were people weren't so freaking rude?
I wonder if they put up an ad
For a dumb kid with an attitude
I'm going to write a strongly worded email
This is so going on Yelp
What do you mean my tone is aggressive
Hello?
Repeat Chorus
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8. |
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Once my life meant nothing
Til I saw you there
In that yellow and orange dress that
Only you can wear
I didn't think it was possible
My love for you increases
Didn't think you could get better
Now you're stuffed with Reese's Pieces
Chorus
If chocolate and peanut butter
Eating is a sin
The devil should open up
His gates and let me in
Now I sit and gaze at you
In all your chocolate glory
I know that I must have you in
My candy inventory
And you know that I could never
Trade you for another
But if I happen to eat you
Oh well there's your brother
Repeat Chorus
Hershey's, Twix and M&Ms
But you’re the best by far
Baby you've spoiled me for
All other candy bars
Repeat First Verse
Repeat Chorus
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9. |
Lunch Lady Marge
03:22
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I wouldn't mind
Going to school sometimes
If only had a hunch
What lazy eyed Marge
Lunchlady at large
Was gonna try and
Serve me for lunch
(Cause you know I likes me some lunch)
Sometimes it's bland
Sometimes it's bad
Sometimes it’s even worse
Either way
It's pretty safe to say
I'm not eating
What she's got in that tray
Now I'm not sure what Marge is up to
Back in the depths of that kitchen
But some days the only thing that comes out of there
That don't taste like chicken is chicken
I'm pretty sure I saw her a minute ago
Puttin' out her cigarette
In the soup that now is glistening from
The hairs that poke out her hairnet
(The hairs that poke out her hairnet
Sometimes it's bland
Sometimes it's bad
Sometimes it's even worse
Either way
It's pretty safe to say
I think I'll pass
On the Soup of the day
One day Marge didn't show up for school
I'm not sure why she left that place
But that's the day I finally found out
How a fish stick’s supposed to taste
Might be better off without food poisoning
But I was sad to see her go
Cause I'd just about die to look in her lazy eye
And tell her that I love her so
(You know that I lover her so)
Sometimes it's bland
Sometimes it's bad
Sometimes it’s even worse
Either way
It's pretty safe to say
I'm not eating
What she's got in that tray
Oh, Margery!
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10. |
Rich Kids
02:54
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Rich kids they make me sick
Rich kids I wanna kick
Rich kids to hell with your clique
I wanna break into your home
And make prank calls on your iPhone
Rich kids
When you're on the Snapchat
You make me want to barf
Make your daddy buy a new one
There's a small scratch on your watch
They need a phone to play Janga
Won’t grace you with my anger
You can call me a peasant
But you’re downright unpleasant
Rich kids they're so obnoxious
Rich kids they're gross and toxic
Rich kids with their stupid gossip
Come on and get a clue
I wouldn't want to be you
You're taking a vacation
In your four story home
But all you do is complain
Why don't you just stay home
Caviar makes you fat
We all think you're a brat
Well you don't want my Toyota
Til' it's running you over
Rich kids they make me sick
Rich kids I wanna kick
Rich kids to hell with your clique
I wanna break into your home
And make prank calls on your iPhone
Rich kids
Bridge:
You don't give a crap
About nobody else
You look in the mirror
You're too good for yourself
But nobody likes you
Cause your snotty and mean
Probably a plastic surgery
Disaster at 18
When you're on the Snapchat
You make me want to barf
Make your daddy buy a new one
There's a small scratch on your watch
They need a phone to play Janga
Won’t grace you with my anger
You can call me a peasant
But you’re downright unpleasant
Rich kids they make me sick
Rich kids I wanna kick
Rich kids to hell with your clique
I wanna break into your home
And make prank calls on your iPhone
Rich kids
Rich kids they're so obnoxious
Rich kids they're gross and toxic
Rich kids with their stupid gossip
Come on and get a clue
I wouldn't want to be you
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11. |
Human Garbage Can
03:39
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First he eats the mashed potatoes
Then he eats up the tomatoes
Just like a human tornado
Oh my god he just ate Play-Doh
He just spends the day
At the all you can eat buffet
Think they'd start to get wise
Cause he ate all their pies
He comes back in a clever disguise
Now he's eating all the tacos
Then he's eating all the nachos
They all say that his leg is hallow
How much more can this guy swallow
He puts on his sweats
He's a triple decker threat
You might think that it's gross
A glucose overdose
Now he's snorting it right up his nose
The man, the man, the man Is a human garbage can 2x
They say its a victimless crime
But hamburgers are on the line
For eating he should get a fine
I think he might have ate a mime
His veins pump with garbage
He’s an act of human carnage
If his stomach was pumped
The contents of a dump
And then he'd come back hungry for lunch
Repeat Chorus
They say that you are what you eat
Maybe he's a hunk of meat
Maybe he's a piggy’s feat
Oh wow he just broke his seat
Some call him a slob
Others call him Bob
And you can't call him winner
Or say that he's thinner
But don't call him late for dinner
Repeat Chorus
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12. |
Speed
01:57
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The windscreen says Vegas or bust
The Red Rocker just ate my dust
I might not make it there alive
But 80's the new 65
Just hit the gas and drive
Baby let's speed
Yellow means go really fast
When it turns red I hit the gas
They say slow down for my own sake
Too bad my car and got no brakes
I'm headed for the lake
Baby let's speed
I'll beat a speeding bullet or a train
Do donuts on the freeway in the rain
So turn away in pain as I erratically change lanes
Back in the saddle again
Baby let's speed
I’m flippin’ old ladies the bird
I cuss them out with nasty words
Might say I’m irresponsible
Stop signs are only optional
And I’m still in the lead
Baby let’s speed
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