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Passover for Dummies

from More Cheese Please by The CheeseBergens

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about

This is the true story of Passover. Memorize it to look smart if anyone asks.

lyrics

The Pharaoh came from Egypt and said,
"Have you heard the news?
Holy freakin' crap- We're being
over run by Jews!
There's gotta be a better way,
Something must be done!
I know what we'll do!
We'll kill their first born sons!"
I guess their plan would have worked,
But Jesus, Mary, Joseph!
A badass Jewish son was born,
His mother named him Moses.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it all passed over the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
And I don't know bout you but it seems
Something ain't quite kosher
Oy vey will the Jews ever have
A happy Passover
I guess he looked Goyish enough,
Or no one looked too hard,
But they got tipped off when he,
Killed an Egyptian guard.
Then Moses said "Oh no, some heavy
Shit be goin' down,
I better go and take my ass, and
Run it out of town!"
Perhaps he drank bad cactus juice,
Or his brain turned to mush,
When he saw God talk to him from,
Inside a burning bush.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it all passed over the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
And I don't know bout you but it seems
Something ain't quite kosher
Oy vey will the Jews ever have
A happy Passover
Moses went to get the Jews,
But Egypt nearly flipped,
So God set out to curse them,
With some heavy fucked up shit.
They took off for the desert fast,
Or soon they would be dead,
But before they went, they said
"Hey guys, let's bake some bread!"

They saw that was a bad idea,
They had to make it fast, see-"
So that's why it was kind of flat,
And tasted pretty nasty.
Egyptians were hot on their trail,
Ready for the slaughter,
But the Jews were in good shape,
Till they encountered water.

Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it passed over all the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
And I don't know bout you but it seems
Something ain't quite kosher
Oy vey will the Jews ever have
A happy Passover
They knew it was all over and,
The end was near for sho'!
Till Moses said, "I'll show you all,
A neat trick that I know."
So he parted the water and,
The Jews they did escape,
But not so much for Egyptians,
Who met their watery fate

The Jews had a good laugh at this,
But God made them think twice,
And now Passover they recall,
That wasn't very nice.
Frogs and lice, blood and disease,
Locusts and freezing rain,
But it passed over all the Jews,
That's right, hence the name.
But there's a happy ending here,
To this first Passover,
The Jews soon found the promised land,
I think they call it Boca

credits

from More Cheese Please, released April 20, 2020
All music, lyrics and instrumentation by The CheeseBergens

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TheCheeseBergens Burbank, California

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